Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The Ramp and the Entrance
I am such a planner and administrator that I really like signage and accurate maps and details that tell me I am on the intended [and also correct and best chosen path]. I feel good when it all goes smoothly and everyone has a good time and there are no hitches. When I use a service like MapQuest and I read .....turn right for point1 miles....., I focus on doing so knowing I am going to succeed because I am doing the right thing. My troubles usually begin with misunderstanding that the ramp I was turning on was actually the driveway of the motel itself, it said point zero one mile and now I am a long way past where I wanted to be and no idea how to navigate back. I feel terrible [way out of proportion], I may berate myself [and others within hearing distance!] I feel as though I have destroyed the whole trip. There have been times that my thoughts did undermine the trip for me [and my behavior DID ruin the trip for others!] How I regret those facts and so if I try harder it will never happen again, ummmmm....yep that what I have to do, control harder and work harder and MAKE the world turn according to the whim of Joan.]
Had I looked UP as I was driving I would have seen the huge SUPER 8 sign [in neon] and I would not have been trusting in the paper laid out on the car seat but in what the reality was and I had already arrived at my destination. The entrance was .....right there.....so very clear and easy to see. How can this become a Bible Lesson to me?
Actually I see several bible lessons but the one God quickened to me as I sat down to write today was this........
During Gene's illness things moved so fast and there was so much to absorb and try to keep our balance that we could have gotten on the wrong path and messed up the mileage and messed up a lot of relationship issues ...BUT we didn't. We kept looking "up" and ahead to where was the neon sign pointing? We treasured every minute together. we did not have a single moment of anger or irritability for each other. We did not speak a single unkind or burdensome word. What a joy.What a Joy! What JOY!.
And now I am here on this side of the journey and Gene is in heaven. You all ask me how I am doing and I find myself saying I am okay. I am . I really am. I also cry [hard] when I look at his stuff all over our house, when I think of the sweet sweet communion I shared with him in his final hours. I miss him fiercely and I will miss him more in days to come. Funeral services will be hard but good. Sunday at 3pm at Living Stones Church of Salisbury......http://www.livingstoneschurchofsalisbury.org/home.htm