It Intensifies

Today has been emotional.  We went to the doctor to get Gene's stitches out from the biopsies done on the 22nd of June.  He has a large bruise at one of the incision sites and I had hoped taking the stitches out would release some of the pressure.  But no, the stitches are self absorbing so one was removed and the recommendation is continue to put the heating pad on it and if it bleeds just cover it.  Jolly thought --eh?

But we also took all of the recently completed scans to the office with us.  We did this with some trepidation as we were not sure we wanted to hear the interpretation 8 days before we are scheduled to see the melanoma specialist who will recommend whatever treatment he feels best suits Gene's situation.  At any rate one of the tests was ordered just to be certain that it was clear, to qualify Gene for some clinical trials based on the scan being clean of any melanoma.  As we drove into the surgeon's parking lot we made the decision to have the scans read today so that we could have time to process the information and thereby be in a better position to listen to options next week.

The scans were read and the surgeon came in the room, I told him to go slow and we were not sure we wanted to hear, he did go slow and he gave us the results.  There are three melanoma lesions in Gene's brain and numerous legions in his abdomen and 'something' in his chest but it is different from the melanoma so he doesn't know what that is.  He was kind and took out the two stitches he needed to clip and gave us prescriptions for nausea and a med to help Gene sleep and confirmed we had an appointment at Hopkins which we do.

We cried a little, I am numb, Gene keeps saying he is sorry, as though he has something to apologize for.  It is all part of the numb.

We did errands -- doesn't that seem stupid?  We dealt with the insurance for the car and bought milk and salad.  

We called Hopkins and they bumped us to the first canceled appointment or next week as planned which ever comes first.

We came home and started the notification process all over again.  

We listened to a song God was dropping in my heart, here are the lyrics:

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior
I take Him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus:(Twice)
My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus:(6x)
My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

My Savior lives, my Savior loves
My Savior lives, my Savior loves
My Savior lives....

We cried...but not enough........

We choose, to be .....thankful ..........every ...........day....even for days like this one.