Friday, September 16, 2011

Days Fly by --slowly

There is so much that needs to be done and yet nothing that really must be done that isn't getting done!

How's that for a sentence?

Today I settled on the tree that will mark Gene's internment.  He and I felt so strongly that natural means were best so the idea of placing his ashes in the ground and planting a tree over top feels just right.  I couldn't get the tree I wanted most but I am satisfied with the Live Oak I chose.  It is big enough to be a tree and yet movable.  I hope to place it on the first Sunday in October but have to check with Pastor Rick about that.

Much more emotionally challenging was talking to companies that set stones for the cemetery.  I want to place a stone in the local cemetery to mark the family line, particularly for Gene's Mother and Dad.  Well you would think I was shopping for a new book or bedspread from the tone of voice of the sales people.  It is as though they do not understand the grieving process at all as they fly into their marketing pitch. A pink one, a fancy engraving [silver tone don't ya know]. a photo engraved for this family standing right here beside me while I pitch a sale to you!!!!!  I think that was disrespectful of that family!   No wonder some people do not place a stone for a year or more.  I want to get the job done, put it to rest, have it settled, so I will press on.  So far I am impressed only by one company having talked to four today.  Once this one understood it was a flat marker to join others they offered options and are coming in at 1/4 the first price quoted to me!  Who would think you have to comparison shop for a grave stone. [thanks Dad for telling me to do so!]

At some point I must get all my paperwork straightened out and somehow someway I MUST get Comcast to respond to my questions!  THEY are being next to impossible to deal with despite making promises to fixing the errors they have created!

Which papers should I file, which can be thrown away, oh I don not want to think about it anymore I will go play scrabble!

Sadness permeates everything I do and everything I do not do.  And it is in all my children as well, so there seems to be no relief........Many years ago [before I married Gene] I learned a new to me hymn...Where can I go but to the Lord?  So completely appropriate for today.

How about a dose of the True and the Real that is not the real and the true that I just was telling you?

Part #7......Gene loved Christmas celebrating.  He had some strong opinions about parts of it but you might be surprised at how he loved to sing Christmas carols [that's why we had them playing in the background of the slide show at the funeral]  When the children were little and nobody had an agenda to keep except bedtime we would gather and sing carols and ring bells with some of the songs every evening.  At the end of each Christmas season I always ask each person to tell me their favorite gift and I record it, additionally I ask what was something that didn't go so well so we can try to avoid that next year [I remember well the year we watered the tree without realizing that a corner of the bedspread covering the tree stand was in the water and it soaked up all the tree water distributing it under all the gifts and across the carpeting!--that was a "never again" thing as was the hunt for Sarah Foxwell, we pray THAT kind of tragedy is a "never again" as well.

One other thing I always ask everyone and record is what did they especially enjoy or want to repeat.  Very often Gene and many of the family would say that next year they wanted to sing more carols!

Something else went along with Christmas in my family and that was a living tree.  Due to price Gene and I established a different tradition pretty quickly and now have an artificial tree that can stay up much longer but before we married I had followed my brother's tradition of a living tree.  So in our only unmarried Christmas Gene went with me to plant my tree in the days after Christmas.  I asked Pastor Dick if I could plant it near the church on Chestnut Way since I was a tenant on E. William Street.  Permission was granted, Gene and his little doxie dog Duke came and picked me, and the tree, up and we went to the church building.  Duke was paralyzed from mid back to his tail, was sick most of the time but Gene loved him and cared for him for a long long time.  While Duke happily pulled himself around and about in the grass we dug a hole and planted the tree and after tamping down the dirt Gene turned to me and said I guess we'll see what will grow with the tree. [A couple of weeks later he proposed at that infamous traffic light!]

We went to see the tree near our 25th wedding anniversary.  It towers 30-35 feet in the air.  We didn't have the camera and we never got around to getting the three kids together and having someone take our picture there at the tree.  A sad regret but 'something' sure did grow with that tree!

It is time to go to bed.  I am thankful [to end on a happier thought]...every!

1 comment:

Robin's Developments said...

I thank you for continuing to tell the story of the True and the Real of you and Gene. I love getting to hear about stuff I did not know. You could still take your kids to snap a picture under that tree. It will have special significance to them, even though Gene will not be in the picture.

May God continue to bring you comfort as you walk this path of grief. Also, I pray that you will get done what needs to be done. I know it must be hard.

Blessings to you my friend,